Baby in Heaven (Part 2)

Baby in Heaven (Part 2)
When our baby went to heaven everything stopped for a week. My husband had to go back to work after one day, but my children and I just colored, listened to worship music and cried throughout the week. It was good just to stop everything.

We were in pain and numb at the same time. I talked though everything and processed with my husband and some family members.

When my husband and I prayed together, nothing came out. We sat there quietly and that was it..... we were numb, and that is okay. Our God is faithful and understands the pain we felt and the words that wouldn't come.

Specific things I made note of:

1) It is okay to stop and just be for a time. It is okay not to be ready to go out and be part of social gatherings. Don't force yourself and cause yourself to bury feelings/emotions you will have to deal with later. Some days you may feel like going out and spending time with others. If not, maybe a walk or hike is what you need.

2) Grief is a emotion of layers. You do not always know how it will effect you or when it will cause you to react or respond in different situations. There is no formula to deal with grief, each time it is different, and with each person it is different. There is nothing to be ashamed about or to apologize for when it decides to show up. Just let it work its way through.

3) Miscarriage does not get processed quickly. You have had a baby and your arms are left empty. You have all these plans, thoughts, a name, and maybe clothes, that you have to let go. You still have a due date that will never be and when that day comes you are still processing emotions..... This can be months. You have the anniversary of when your baby went to heaven and that marks your first year and all the firsts that you didn't get to experience with that baby......(sigh)

4) The word "Loss" is not one I like to use that often when talking about miscarriage. I have heard mother's say, " I lost the baby." I became extra sensitive to this. Because the mom cannot control everything that happens during the pregnancy. It is not her fault. Life in the womb is an amazingly miraculous event and one that is completely in God's hands. There is no blame to put on the mom. We as humans always feel there has to be a reason we can understand, but there isn't always a reason. And just because we don't understand why or how it happened does not mean we get to put blame on someone just to comfort ourselves or help us to understand and feel better. We as mothers need to understand this as well and find peace with not understanding or having control. This seems simple, but it is not easy.

5) Every life no matter how young in the womb deserves to be celebrated for existing and to bring joy to others. New live is exciting! After a miscarriage there is so much emotion and grief that when another pregnancy is experienced, there is a lot of fear. Putting fear in its place is not easy, but it does not deserve the place of joy and excitement with new life. That precious life inside of a mother's womb is a miracle and what ever time it is destined by God to exist, needs to be celebrated. I firmly believe this.

6) I was privileged to carry that precious little life in my womb for the 10 weeks God had placed her there. That little miracle was such a gift and I was the only one that carried her and cared for her for the short time on earth that she had. I am truly blessed to have been able to experience that privilege and now have a beautiful little one in heaven.

7) I have a new view on life following this bittersweet experience. My view in life is not only of this world and this life. My view is toward the eternal and what I have to look forward to one day in heaven. My precious little one is experiencing the joy of my savior and one day I will get to meet her and join her in that amazing experience. 

-Lysette

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Baby in Heaven (Part 1)

Baby in Heaven (Part 1)
Going through a miscarriage was one of the most traumatic things I went through during 2020. It is not something you talk about very openly. My and my husband's immediate family and some friends new I was pregnant and they all were very supportive.

Thankfully I did not feel forgotten or that I could not talk about it. I was very supported and my wonderful mother-in-love was someone who understood that loss and sat and talked and cried with me when I needed it. My husband, my children, and I all had to deal with the loss in different ways and I felt the need to support each of them through it very acutely.

I became very aware of during this process, that I needed to process my own emotions fully. My husband told me that he would not share with me all his emotions because he did not want to burden me when I was still going through my own grief and walking with our children through it. He was correct. We talked, cried, and prayed together yes, but I was overwhelmed, numb, and in pain, all at the same time......... It was a lot.
(Picture below was drawn by my daughter of the baby in heaven in Jesus' arms.)

My daughter's pictures of the baby in heaven in Jesus' arms .I came to realize through this process that miscarriage is incredibly common. Everyone starts to share once they realize you have experienced one. It is heart breaking and comforting at the same time. Sadly not many women feel supported through this process though. It seems like there is this unsaid rule that you have to deal with miscarriage by yourself. That you cannot celebrate your pregnancy until after the 12-14week so that your are safe through the miscarriage stage. Why is that?This brought a realization to me. If a baby can feel every emotion that its mother feels during pregnancy, what are the first feelings our baby feels if we are being cautious those first 12-14 weeks? This fear of miscarriage causes us to not allow ourselves to be exciting and feel joy. Instead we are fearful and cautious for the first 12 weeks.

What are the first feelings we are imprinting on our baby when we have this overwhelming fear of loss?

(This is part of a series on miscarriage and pregnancy. I will continue in the next one).

-Lysette

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That Time of Year......

That Time of Year......
We are just finishing the holidays and the time of year that is suppose to be jolly, full of joy, exciting, a season of giving, full of laughter and fun,..........

Does this not ring true of you right now?  Do people tell you to get into the spirit of the season, and you can't find it anywhere......Do you feel like you are on the outside looking in? Do you feel like you are lost, numb, sad, lonely, in the midst of the busiest and most decorated, song filled season of the year? 

It is easy for those who have been overwhelmed by life to get lost in the sea of everything that happens during the holidays, and completely over looked. 

Sometimes we don't realize that we have wounds that are related to traumas in our life and there are triggers that set us off. We are actually unaware and don't even realize that some of our reactions are in response to those traumas. Traumas come in many different forms, loss of loved ones, physical trauma, emotional trauma, something big that effected your life and you didn't realize it. Sometimes it is many of the same little things that add up to a big trauma.  

It is okay to not feel as joyful as everyone else. It is okay to need quiet time by yourself. It is okay to not enjoy every single one of the traditions of the season. It is okay to take time to process your emotions and feelings. It is okay to need a time out, if traumas in your life cause triggers during this time of the year........It is okay to feel.

This is more common than you think and despite what you are going through, you are not forgotten. I want you to know that God sees you and He is right there for you whenever you need him. This is what helps me to get through the hard times. Even when I don't know what to pray, He is there and He understands what I am going through. 

I pray that this holiday season and new year bring a freedom to feel and release all those things that you feel weighing you down in life. May the Lord Bless you and keep you, May the Lord Make is face to shine upon you, May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you His Peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)

-Lysette

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Loss & Sorrow

Loss & Sorrow

When in times of sorrow and loss, it can be easy to drift away. Drifting away can happen in so many different ways. Sometimes our emotions can become so raw that it is hard to face reality. (Forgive me as I change this phrase a bit.) It can be hard to face what happens, but we should never be fearful of facing Life. Remember, Life is precious and oh so fleeting. When we let ourselves drift away into the raw emotions and let them take over or even try to not face them so burying yourself into something else. They become poison to our body. We sometimes call them coping mechanisms, but the best coping mechanisms is not to bury the emotions or to lose yourself in something.

What can a coping mechanism look like? It can take on so many different forms. When burying emotions it can cause nose bleeds, headaches, chest pains, and sluggish liver. Eating can also be a coping mechanism whether it is lack of eating or eating too much of something. Getting lost in the emotions can cause feelings of giving up or feeling stuck and unable to move. Each of these and more are all negative ways of dealing with sorrow and loss.

I have gone through so much loss recently and my heart is aching. I know what I am supposed to do but my heart is crying out and not wanting to do what my mind is telling it to do. So how do you get through something like this?

 

One small step...

 

That is my goal to take one itty bitty step at a time. It doesn't have to be a huge step just one small movement in the right direction. Every time I feel the swelling of tears, say a quick prayer. "God, please." It doesn't have to be more than that. Instead of eating ten chocolate blueberries, eat eight (okay maybe I ate twenty and slowly backed it to eighteen. But who's counting?)

 

 Be gentle with yourself during this time. It is easy to start beating yourself up when going through sorrow and loss, and I don't want you to do that. Allow yourself to feel. Give yourself grace so you can continue to take those itty-bitty steps.

You are not alone.

-Yohanna Wendt


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Raising Daughters to be Strong Women of God!

Raising Daughters to be Strong Women of God!
Do you find that raising your daughters to be strong without allowing the toxicity of the world to intervene in this process somewhat challenging? By this I mean, that the world throughout history has not treated women equally or kindly. 

I find this to be quite interesting, as throughout history there are actually quite a few very strong women that lead, wrote, invented, etc. I am also able to find many examples of this in reading the Bible. 

Reading through the Bible, it did not once say that women were less than men. It says that both men and women have different rolls, but not that one was less then the other. 

Have you every realized that the enemy of our souls loves to twist the beauty and uniqueness that God gave to each an every individual he created? Women were never less than or under man's rule.......the enemy of our souls would like us to believe that though. Women throughout scripture were give strong rolls as judges, prophetesses, leaders, women of means, etc. Women are special just the way God created them. 

We are able to do something a man will never be able to do, carry and grow a child in our womb.  That is an amazing gift we have been given and specifically designed for. And sadly, this gift is looked down on and criticized and we are made to believe the lie that this gift holds us back. Why? It is the gift of life! That is truly amazing! 

We need to raise our daughters to cherish this gift they have been given and to know what an amazing unique person they are, just the way God created them. God created them with this amazing design and with a special purpose that He created only for them. We need to teach them to know they are worthy because Christ loves them. To see the value in who they are, who others are, and that God created everyone, Men and Women, with a special purpose. 



I purchased this beautiful journal to do with my daughters. It is a beautiful devotional and it walks through each of the women of the Bible and the special purpose God had for their life. It is a wonderful devotional to do on your own timeline with your daughters to encourage them in their walk with the Lord and that they created for a purpose!  
Here is a link to purchase this amazing book for you to read during devotions to your family!



-Lysette Hill






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