It is Obstinance/Disobedience? (Part 3 of 3)

It is Obstinance/Disobedience? (Part 3 of 3)
For this last part to this three part series, "What is the difference between Executive function, Laziness and Obstinance/Disobedience", we are going to delve into the last point of how to tell if it is obstinance/disobedience and how to approach it.

I am going to start with giving you the definitions to obstinance and disobedience.
-        firmly or stubbornly adhering to one's purpose, opinion, etc.; not yielding to argument, persuasion, or entreaty.
-        characterized by inflexible persistence or an unyielding attitude; inflexibly persisted in or carried out:obstinate advocacy of high tariffs.
-        not easily controlled or overcome:the obstinate growth of weeds.
-        neglecting or refusing to obey; not submitting; refractory.
Being obstinate can turn into being stubborn and disobedient. But I want to show you another way to look at this. What is the difference between being strong and obstinate?
 We praise people who are strong, unwavering in truth and true to their hearts. We praise them when they don't bow down to bullies or let other persuade them to do wrong. So how did a good trait become obstinance which then leads to disobedience?

In many cases they were not taught to tell the difference and pride got mixed in. Obstinance is not a good trait but being strong is. How can you tell when someone, or your child, is being obstinate or being strong?
Stubbornness, pride, and rebellion are all strong relatives to obstinance. When someone has a strong personality it isn't a bad thing. It is a strength as long as that strength is balanced. Once it is out of balance it easily turns into the negative side of that trait.

Have you heard this before?
               "This is just who I am?"
               "I've always been like this, so what?"

When these are repeated often it is a sign that the individual's strength has then become imbalanced. It also shows that they are not willing to grow or improve. Have you ever taken a personality test or love language test? 

When you took the personality test did you identify with the strongest color/number that you received, or did you take that test to show what areas you needed to work on so you could be more balanced? When you took the love language test did you use it as an excuse not to recognize when others were communicating through another love language? 

It is good to know your strengths and is also good to know where you need to focus to improve. If you have taken or plan on taking one of these tests and then label yourself that specific color or number without further reading the other traits, or love language meanings, you are missing so much. You need to see where you can improve, and if you haven't, then you used those tests improperly. 

You have focused completely on your strength to the point where it can hinder you and ruin relationships. "I'm a red personality (if you took the color test) take me as I am or leave", I cringe when I hear this. These tests were created to help us communicate with others better and grow in understanding. To help us understand where we are at so we could improve, not to be used as an excuse to further damage our communication abilities and relationships.

As a parent recognizing my children's love languages helps in understanding whether they are being obstinate, disobedient, or just needing to be heard and understood. When someone is starved in how they receive love they start to get grumpy. Kind of like when someone has low blood sugar because they skipped a meal, so they get a bit hangry. In this case they will act out as a cry for help. This is why it is important to be sure you are showing them how much you love them, in the way that they receive love so you can rule that out.

When they are tired, overwhelmed, feeling unheard, or their hormones are fluctuating, they can also act out. Which is why I try to be sure that they are either applying hormone supporting oils, praying and spending time in the word, resting, and being listened to, so I can rule those out as well.
Am I 100% on the ball, all the time with these? Of course not! I am a mom of six. I can only do my best each and every day in my own humble way.

When one of my kiddos are being obstinate or disobedient there is an attitude that usually accompanies them. Do you remember the close relatives that I mentioned above, Pride, stubbornness, and rebellion? When these are mixed in, the person who is being influenced by them has a different air about them. They get angry and act out by either belittling the other person, attacking their reputation, using intimidation, accusing someone of something outlandish, or even threatening.

For example:
               "Fine, I will never play with you again. Because you cheat!"
                                                                           ***example provided by the courtesy of my kiddos***

In this statement, which I have heard countless times, it shows very clearly where they first threatened to never play with the other child. Then they attacked their reputation by labeling them as a cheater. When in fact it was quite the opposite on who was a sore loser and/or who was the one who was caught cheating.

I know this is an extremely simple and easy example and it sometimes isn't always one child's fault in each case. Most of the time it is both who are at fault.

Most of the time it is by God's guidance and saving grace in each situation that helps me recognize and then diffuse the situation accordingly. I could never do it without Him.
With this being said, we have come to the end of this three-part series. I hope it helps you recognize the differences between executive functioning, laziness, and obstinance/disobedience.


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Is it Truly Laziness? (Part 2 of 3)

Is it Truly Laziness?  (Part 2 of 3)
As mentioned in the first blog post in this series I was asked how to tell the difference between executive functioning, laziness, and obstinance/disobedience. We have discussed executive function. In this post I will discuss my thoughts about what true laziness is....

It is Laziness: 
Honestly speaking I don't think what is usually labeled as laziness is true laziness. Most of the time I believe it is because people have pushed themselves so much, so hard and for so long without giving themselves a designated rest day/week which creates a mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion to the point where they are struggling with just getting themselves moving let alone thinking actively.

For example:
I juggle a lot of responsibilities (this is nothing new to any mom). At one point I realized that I was struggling with just opening a text to read it because it felt like too much to handle. Was it truly too much? Was I just being lazy? Why was I even struggling with the thought of having to put the laundry into the dryer or even brushing my teeth at night? I finally had an 'aha!' moment and I realized that I was struggling with competence. Not because I was incompetent or lazy but because I truly had so much on my plate and hadn't stopped pushing myself. I just needed a break.

Have you ever had that 'aha!' moment? We are not robots or computers. we need breaks. We need to remember to breath and slow down. There is nothing wrong with being intentional with taking breaks or rest days. If we don't, our bodies will force us to stop so it can recover. Be it with sickness, because we never took the time to rest, or some other way.

When it comes to my kids, I have found that they are truly not lazy in nature. Do they get antsy? Yes, because they are kids and should be active. Do they have times where they just want to play? Yes, because kids should play. Do they not want to do chores at times? Of course! Who doesn't at times? 
Does it mean they shouldn't have responsibilities? No, of course not! 
Letting my kids know what is expected if them before they get to play and do what they want helps with communication and gives them goals that they can meet. I also give them rest days to show them that rest is important.

Most of the time, true laziness is not the issue. Be sure to use that word wisely. Some people use that word as an excuse to over fill their own or other's schedules.
Now there are times when you will meet someone who is lazy but I for one have only personally met people who have over-worked themselves and pushed themselves to hard.
So to my friend who is reading this, yes, I'm talking to every and each person who is reading this. Make sure you give yourself some grace and rest. You will do even better if you do!


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Raising Daughters to be Strong Women of God!

Raising Daughters to be Strong Women of God!
Do you find that raising your daughters to be strong without allowing the toxicity of the world to intervene in this process somewhat challenging? By this I mean, that the world throughout history has not treated women equally or kindly. 

I find this to be quite interesting, as throughout history there are actually quite a few very strong women that lead, wrote, invented, etc. I am also able to find many examples of this in reading the Bible. 

Reading through the Bible, it did not once say that women were less than men. It says that both men and women have different rolls, but not that one was less then the other. 

Have you every realized that the enemy of our souls loves to twist the beauty and uniqueness that God gave to each an every individual he created? Women were never less than or under man's rule.......the enemy of our souls would like us to believe that though. Women throughout scripture were give strong rolls as judges, prophetesses, leaders, women of means, etc. Women are special just the way God created them. 

We are able to do something a man will never be able to do, carry and grow a child in our womb.  That is an amazing gift we have been given and specifically designed for. And sadly, this gift is looked down on and criticized and we are made to believe the lie that this gift holds us back. Why? It is the gift of life! That is truly amazing! 

We need to raise our daughters to cherish this gift they have been given and to know what an amazing unique person they are, just the way God created them. God created them with this amazing design and with a special purpose that He created only for them. We need to teach them to know they are worthy because Christ loves them. To see the value in who they are, who others are, and that God created everyone, Men and Women, with a special purpose. 

I purchased this beautiful journal to do with my daughters. It is a beautiful devotional and it walks through each of the women of the Bible and the special purpose God had for their life. It is a wonderful devotional to do on your own timeline with your daughters to encourage them in their walk with the Lord and that they created for a purpose!  
Here is a link to purchase this amazing book for you to read during devotions to your family!

-Lysette Hill

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