Going through a miscarriage was one of the most traumatic things I went through during 2020. It is not something you talk about very openly. My and my husband's immediate family and some friends new I was pregnant and they all were very supportive.
Thankfully I did not feel forgotten or that I could not talk about it. I was very supported and my wonderful mother-in-love was someone who understood that loss and sat and talked and cried with me when I needed it. My husband, my children, and I all had to deal with the loss in different ways and I felt the need to support each of them through it very acutely.
I became very aware of during this process, that I needed to process my own emotions fully. My husband told me that he would not share with me all his emotions because he did not want to burden me when I was still going through my own grief and walking with our children through it. He was correct. We talked, cried, and prayed together yes, but I was overwhelmed, numb, and in pain, all at the same time......... It was a lot.
(Picture below was drawn by my daughter of the baby in heaven in Jesus' arms.)
I came to realize through this process that miscarriage is incredibly common. Everyone starts to share once they realize you have experienced one. It is heart breaking and comforting at the same time. Sadly not many women feel supported through this process though. It seems like there is this unsaid rule that you have to deal with miscarriage by yourself. That you cannot celebrate your pregnancy until after the 12-14week so that your are safe through the miscarriage stage. Why is that?This brought a realization to me. If a baby can feel every emotion that its mother feels during pregnancy, what are the first feelings our baby feels if we are being cautious those first 12-14 weeks? This fear of miscarriage causes us to not allow ourselves to be exciting and feel joy. Instead we are fearful and cautious for the first 12 weeks.
What are the first feelings we are imprinting on our baby when we have this overwhelming fear of loss?
Thankfully I did not feel forgotten or that I could not talk about it. I was very supported and my wonderful mother-in-love was someone who understood that loss and sat and talked and cried with me when I needed it. My husband, my children, and I all had to deal with the loss in different ways and I felt the need to support each of them through it very acutely.
I became very aware of during this process, that I needed to process my own emotions fully. My husband told me that he would not share with me all his emotions because he did not want to burden me when I was still going through my own grief and walking with our children through it. He was correct. We talked, cried, and prayed together yes, but I was overwhelmed, numb, and in pain, all at the same time......... It was a lot.
(Picture below was drawn by my daughter of the baby in heaven in Jesus' arms.)
I came to realize through this process that miscarriage is incredibly common. Everyone starts to share once they realize you have experienced one. It is heart breaking and comforting at the same time. Sadly not many women feel supported through this process though. It seems like there is this unsaid rule that you have to deal with miscarriage by yourself. That you cannot celebrate your pregnancy until after the 12-14week so that your are safe through the miscarriage stage. Why is that?This brought a realization to me. If a baby can feel every emotion that its mother feels during pregnancy, what are the first feelings our baby feels if we are being cautious those first 12-14 weeks? This fear of miscarriage causes us to not allow ourselves to be exciting and feel joy. Instead we are fearful and cautious for the first 12 weeks.What are the first feelings we are imprinting on our baby when we have this overwhelming fear of loss?
(This is part of a series on miscarriage and pregnancy. I will continue in the next one).
-Lysette
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