For this last part to this three part series, "What is the difference between Executive function, Laziness and Obstinance/Disobedience", we are going to delve into the last point of how to tell if it is obstinance/disobedience and how to approach it.
Obstinance/Disobedience:
I am going to start with giving you the definitions to obstinance and disobedience.
Obstinance:
- firmly or stubbornly adhering to one's purpose, opinion, etc.; not yielding to argument, persuasion, or entreaty.
- characterized by inflexible persistence or an unyielding attitude; inflexibly persisted in or carried out:obstinate advocacy of high tariffs.
- not easily controlled or overcome:the obstinate growth of weeds.
Disobedience:
- neglecting or refusing to obey; not submitting; refractory.
Being obstinate can turn into being stubborn and disobedient. But I want to show you another way to look at this. What is the difference between being strong and obstinate?
We praise people who are strong, unwavering in truth and true to their hearts. We praise them when they don't bow down to bullies or let other persuade them to do wrong. So how did a good trait become obstinance which then leads to disobedience?
In many cases they were not taught to tell the difference and pride got mixed in. Obstinance is not a good trait but being strong is. How can you tell when someone, or your child, is being obstinate or being strong?
Stubbornness, pride, and rebellion are all strong relatives to obstinance. When someone has a strong personality it isn't a bad thing. It is a strength as long as that strength is balanced. Once it is out of balance it easily turns into the negative side of that trait.
Have you heard this before?
"This is just who I am?"
Or
"I've always been like this, so what?"
When these are repeated often it is a sign that the individual's strength has then become imbalanced. It also shows that they are not willing to grow or improve. Have you ever taken a personality test or love language test?
When you took the personality test did you identify with the strongest color/number that you received, or did you take that test to show what areas you needed to work on so you could be more balanced? When you took the love language test did you use it as an excuse not to recognize when others were communicating through another love language?
It is good to know your strengths and is also good to know where you need to focus to improve. If you have taken or plan on taking one of these tests and then label yourself that specific color or number without further reading the other traits, or love language meanings, you are missing so much. You need to see where you can improve, and if you haven't, then you used those tests improperly.
You have focused completely on your strength to the point where it can hinder you and ruin relationships. "I'm a red personality (if you took the color test) take me as I am or leave", I cringe when I hear this. These tests were created to help us communicate with others better and grow in understanding. To help us understand where we are at so we could improve, not to be used as an excuse to further damage our communication abilities and relationships.
As a parent recognizing my children's love languages helps in understanding whether they are being obstinate, disobedient, or just needing to be heard and understood. When someone is starved in how they receive love they start to get grumpy. Kind of like when someone has low blood sugar because they skipped a meal, so they get a bit hangry. In this case they will act out as a cry for help. This is why it is important to be sure you are showing them how much you love them, in the way that they receive love so you can rule that out.
When they are tired, overwhelmed, feeling unheard, or their hormones are fluctuating, they can also act out. Which is why I try to be sure that they are either applying hormone supporting oils, praying and spending time in the word, resting, and being listened to, so I can rule those out as well.
Am I 100% on the ball, all the time with these? Of course not! I am a mom of six. I can only do my best each and every day in my own humble way.
When one of my kiddos are being obstinate or disobedient there is an attitude that usually accompanies them. Do you remember the close relatives that I mentioned above, Pride, stubbornness, and rebellion? When these are mixed in, the person who is being influenced by them has a different air about them. They get angry and act out by either belittling the other person, attacking their reputation, using intimidation, accusing someone of something outlandish, or even threatening.
For example:
"Fine, I will never play with you again. Because you cheat!"
***example provided by the courtesy of my kiddos***
In this statement, which I have heard countless times, it shows very clearly where they first threatened to never play with the other child. Then they attacked their reputation by labeling them as a cheater. When in fact it was quite the opposite on who was a sore loser and/or who was the one who was caught cheating.
I know this is an extremely simple and easy example and it sometimes isn't always one child's fault in each case. Most of the time it is both who are at fault.
Most of the time it is by God's guidance and saving grace in each situation that helps me recognize and then diffuse the situation accordingly. I could never do it without Him.
With this being said, we have come to the end of this three-part series. I hope it helps you recognize the differences between executive functioning, laziness, and obstinance/disobedience.
-Yohanna
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Find out how to start supporting your family and get your free PDF about Probiotics and Prebiotics: https://lysetteyohanna.com/landing/freedom-life-style-1st-page
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As mentioned in the first blog post in this series I was asked how to tell the difference between executive functioning, laziness, and obstinance/disobedience. We have discussed executive function. In this post I will discuss my thoughts about what true laziness is....
It is Laziness:
Honestly speaking I don't think what is usually labeled as laziness is true laziness. Most of the time I believe it is because people have pushed themselves so much, so hard and for so long without giving themselves a designated rest day/week which creates a mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion to the point where they are struggling with just getting themselves moving let alone thinking actively.
For example:
I juggle a lot of responsibilities (this is nothing new to any mom). At one point I realized that I was struggling with just opening a text to read it because it felt like too much to handle. Was it truly too much? Was I just being lazy? Why was I even struggling with the thought of having to put the laundry into the dryer or even brushing my teeth at night? I finally had an 'aha!' moment and I realized that I was struggling with competence. Not because I was incompetent or lazy but because I truly had so much on my plate and hadn't stopped pushing myself. I just needed a break.
Have you ever had that 'aha!' moment? We are not robots or computers. we need breaks. We need to remember to breath and slow down. There is nothing wrong with being intentional with taking breaks or rest days. If we don't, our bodies will force us to stop so it can recover. Be it with sickness, because we never took the time to rest, or some other way.
When it comes to my kids, I have found that they are truly not lazy in nature. Do they get antsy? Yes, because they are kids and should be active. Do they have times where they just want to play? Yes, because kids should play. Do they not want to do chores at times? Of course! Who doesn't at times?
Does it mean they shouldn't have responsibilities? No, of course not!
Letting my kids know what is expected if them before they get to play and do what they want helps with communication and gives them goals that they can meet. I also give them rest days to show them that rest is important.
Most of the time, true laziness is not the issue. Be sure to use that word wisely. Some people use that word as an excuse to over fill their own or other's schedules.
Now there are times when you will meet someone who is lazy but I for one have only personally met people who have over-worked themselves and pushed themselves to hard.
So to my friend who is reading this, yes, I'm talking to every and each person who is reading this. Make sure you give yourself some grace and rest. You will do even better if you do!
-Yohanna
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopefulconfidentmamas
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sisterpowerps
Find out how to start supporting your family and get your free PDF about Probiotics and Prebiotics: https://lysetteyohanna.com/landing/freedom-life-style-1st-page
Get your copy of our emotional booklet designed to support communication and understanding between parents and their children:
(This blog does have links that I am affiliated with)
I was asked about what the difference was between Executive functioning, Laziness, and Obstinance.
As a parent these are things that we are constantly questioning and learning about. As a mom of a child who has special needs and who can't communicate like you and I, this is something that I have to be extremely in tune with.
Does it mean I get it right all the time? Of course not. But, I thought this would be a good thing to discuss as every parent is faced with trying to figure out what is what, throughout the younger part of their child's life.
There will be a few different parts/blogs to cover these subjects as we go through them. So let's start with executive functioning.
Executive Function:
The mind and body connection. This is a powerful thing that we sometimes take for granted. We usually use it without much thought because most of what we do has been learned and becomes muscle memory. You could also call it a brain pathway that was formed long ago. When we become more aware of the mind body connection is when we feel out of touch, down, disconnected somehow or we are learning something completely new.
Taking Action, from what was first a thought, is more complicated than you think. Amazingly our brains calculate this so fast that we don't even realize that it is happening. Have you ever seen someone who has had a stroke, brain injury or even someone who has special needs, try to relearn or learn something for the first time? This is when the mind body connection becomes so clear, especially when it comes to executive functions.
What is Executive Function?
- Executive function describes a set of cognitive processes and mental skills that help an individual plan, monitor, and successfully execute their goals. The "executive functions," as they're known, include attentional control, working memory, inhibition, and problem-solving, many of which are thought to originate in the brain's prefrontal cortex.
An example of some simple steps are:
- You are presented with something (i.e. you see a toy on the floor that doesn't belong there). Usually an action that needs to be acted upon.
- Your brain then calculates what your body needs to do to meet the needs of that action. (i.e. pick up the toy = bend down -> extend arm -> extend fingers -> grasp fingers around toy -> etc.)
- Your brain then sends the message to your body.
- Your body can then act the way it needs to, to fulfill the action/need.
Sometimes the executive function can be inhibited. Here are some things that can inhibit executive functions:
- Shock
- Traumas (physical, emotional, mental)
- Grief
- Exhaustion
- Mental blocks
- Mind body disconnection
- Emotional blocks
- Lack of nutrition
Executive function ties into being able to motor plan. If you have a child who has special needs this is a term you are very familiar with.
Keeping the elasticity of your brain so that the executive functions of your brain can better serve you is key. Creating neuro pathways can take at the least 21 days to years depending on the severity of the brain injury, mental blocks or the disconnect between mind and body that can hold someone back.
Priming the brain emotionally and physically can help with improving the executive function. Kinesthetic Learning, Tactile Learning, Emotional/Mental Transposing Learning all go hand in hand.
Kinesthetic learning is what you do physically to oxygenate your blood and brain. Getting your body moving is the best. Going on a 10 minute brisk walk or practicing your balance. For children, doing the animal walks is a great way to connect the mind and body and prime it for learning.
Tactile learning is the next step after oxygenating the blood and brain. Activating the brain through your sense of touch. Playing with playdough, silly putty, hand strengthening putty or something along those lines will activate the brain to start receiving information.
Emotional/mental learning is having the correct affirmation and emotional/mental supporting essential oil on hand. Some of my favorites are lavender to keep me calm, cedarwood applied to left thumb (Helps with traumas/blocks to learning certain subjects), a blended oil called valor and another blended oil called Brain Power (kids version is called Geneyus).
To Be Continued... (next up: Laziness)
HERE is the link to the essential oils I mentioned above if you are interested in trying them out yourself.
-Yohanna
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopefulconfidentmamas
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sisterpowerps
Find out how to start supporting your family and get your free PDF about Probiotics and Prebiotics: https://lysetteyohanna.com/landing/freedom-life-style-1st-page
Get your copy of our emotional booklet designed to support communication and understanding between parents and their children:
There are so many, beyond good, reasons to start homeschooling. But for now I want to delve deeper into my why.
Why is my why so important? Because it is what keeps me from giving up. No matter what is going on, no matter how tired I am, no matter how hard it is, my why is what keeps me going.
Even before my husband and I had kids we had decided we wanted to homeschool. Once we had our first, who was born with an anomaly in one of her chromosomes, it solidified it even more.
Having watched my brother who has down syndrome, go through school and seeing how the school informed my mom that after he reached a certain point in the education, they were going to have him repeat the same level over and over till he graduated. They didn't give him a chance to prove himself. My mom, who was a teacher before becoming a parent (she homeschooled the rest of us till we went to college), had been supplementing his schooling on the side and he was way beyond the level they were teaching him. My Husband and I decided the school system was not the place for our daughter.
We even talked to family members who were teachers and special ed teachers as well as friends who held those positions too. What we learned was not good.
It was the best choice we could have made for her. She has proven herself so many times and is smarter than anyone gives her credit for.
My dream is for my daughter to thrive not barely survive through a curriculum that is not specific for her so she can't learn in the unique way she can grasp and learn things.
I have found that through homeschooling, not only with my daughter but my other five children, that each child learns differently and needs to have the freedom to learn in their own unique way. With homeschooling I have the choice of what is being taught to my children and how.
I can customize every part of their learning journey specifically to them. I don't have to try and understand what is being taught by a teacher and then struggle myself to explain and help my children through their homework. It has been absolutely and amazingly freeing and even our schedule in our control.
This is my why. They are my why.
-Yohanna Wendt
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopefulconfidentmamas
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Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sisterpowerps
Find out how to start supporting your family and get your free PDF about Probiotics and Prebiotics: https://lysetteyohanna.com/landing/freedom-life-style-1st-page
Get your copy of our emotional booklet designed to support communication and understanding between parents and their children:
How do you keep going with homeschooling? How do keep on when you have nothing left?These are some of the questions I get asked often since I've been homeschooling for over 10 years. Before delving into some easy steps, I take to keep myself going, I want to address this first:
Homeschooling is a choice, as is loving someone. If you don't feed it and are running on fumes you will not be successful. Be sure you are pouring into yourself and taking breaks.
Here are some simple steps I have found that work for me. My hope in sharing these steps is that they will inspire other parents to find ways to help themselves and to set in place healthy ways to feed and pour into their life of homeschooling.
1. What is my why? Why did I start homeschooling?
- Once I answer this question it lights a fire under me, and I start moving again. My why is so strong and so deep that it always helps me keep going.
- What is your why? Why are you homeschooling or wanting to homeschool?
2. Who do I have on my side?
- Community: this one is HUGE!
- I have three close homeschooling mamas who are part of my journey. Obviously, they aren't the only ones who have encouraged me, God has brought in others at just the right moment to encourage and lift me up. But the three main ladies are the ones that are there day in and day out.
- One is a retired homeschooling mama who taught for over 30 years and is a wealth of information.
- One is at the same level of schooling with her kids as I am. (This is so helpful, so I know when certain subject struggles are not isolated to us) You are never alone in your journey. Just remember that.
- One is a retired public-school teacher who has been schooling who own children for the last few years. She is fresh and has such amazing and exciting ideas. She also teaches with such grace and understanding it helps me so much!
Each of these ladies are key and have helped me continue. We pour into each other and keep each other going. This, in itself, is an immeasurable gift.
3. Last but certainly not least.
- Prayer.
I can't count how many times I have fallen on my knees before the cross giving it to Christ. Every time I take back the burden when I was never supposed to, and it gets too hard to stand I am reminded why I'm not in charge. He is in charge always and when I step out of line the burden becomes too heavy. So, prayer is my biggest and most valuable tool to help me keep going. It never fails. He never fails.
Here is is a pdf printout, Homeschool why & affirmations.pdf , with some affirmations for you and your kiddo/s and for you to write out your why. Be sure to hang it where you can see it every day.
-Yohanna Wendt
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hopefulconfidentmamas
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/natural_sister_power/
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/sisterpowerps
Find out how to start supporting your family and get your free PDF about Probiotics and Prebiotics: https://lysetteyohanna.com/landing/freedom-life-style-1st-page
Get your copy of our emotional booklet designed to support communication and understanding between parents and their children:
