Some thoughts this morning as I process where I am in my pregnancy and where I have been in the past year and a half since my miscarriage......
Life is not easily explained in clear lines or emotions. I have been sharing about my journey through this pregnancy and what I have experienced emotionally along with my processing. It is hard to put a finger on one emotion during this process. I have felt so overjoyed, excited, nervous, fearful, thankful, worried, confidents, unsure..... all at the same time?
This little boy that I carry inside of me is now about 25 weeks old. I have passed so many of the goals I had set for myself and I am now almost at the end of my second trimester. I treasure each movement I feel and I he moves quite abit. My husband has felt him move already. This little guy has a strong kick. ( I am crying as I right this....)
I am so amazingly blessed and feel so overwhelmed at this little miracle that God picked my womb to grow and my husband and I to raise.
Life is such a gift, it is not guaranteed, it is not a right, it is a gift. It is a gift that we should be daily grateful for. It is a gift that God grants us because he loves us. And because he has a special purpose for each one of us.
A year and a half ago when I miscarried, the last thing I wanted to think about was having another baby. I was actually scared to get pregnant at that point. Then in the year following, I thought about it and my children asked if we were going to have another one, and I told them it was in God's hands. I started to feel the desire for another one but had a deep understanding that maybe there would not be one. I told God that, I was leaving that desire in his hands. The desire came in waves and I would release it. I actually was quite content where we were, knowing that maybe we were done having children. I had peace. And then we found out we were expecting this precious litttle boy.....
God is amazing in his timing. He has given me the opportunity to finish working through the healing he started in me and to grow the trust I have in him. He knows when and if there should be another life and I am so blessed that he chose us for this new little life. I love the term 'Rainbow Baby'. This little boy is our Rainbow Baby, a promise of life from God, that he is the giver of life. That no matter what we go through, he is there and walks with us through every situation we experience in life.
-Lysette
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